Funny poems for Valentine day.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marry you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, lovely and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But only I slept with you 'cause I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other-
that is until I met your brother.

Rose are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But I don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lie.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe " go to hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

HAPPY VALENTINE!

Matilda

There was a pretty smart girl, her name is Matilda, who was born in an idiotic family. While all parents love their childrent like a treasure, Maltida's parents are opposite, they didn't even remember that they have had a daughter. Matilda have been growing up without family's love. The severe treatment from Matilda's parents helped her become a confident child. She lived in her own world with books, and she had to learn how to take care of herself. It is unbelievable that the rechool girl can read book accurately without any education. I remember when I was six, I was learing A B C from school and insisting on toys from my parents after every school day. I think parents are the best role model for thier children, but it's not true for Matilda, she learned behaviour and critical thinking from books, for she knew that her parents aren't the refined persons. While all parents hope their children having a good education, Matilda's parents don't care how their daughter learn at school. As many other kids, Matilda wanted to share her feeling about school to her parents, but they didn't even want to listen. What's a pity! However, Matilda has a magic that everybody wants. She used her magic abilities to help her teacher, who became her adoptive mother after. In general, Matilda is warm- hearted, intelligent and very active. I'm glad that after all, she lived happily ever after with her wonderful teacher.

Russell Peters joking about Vietnamese.

Look up the dictionary to find the second meaning of " dong"....

It's so funny. :P

What is happiness?

What is happiness???

This is a question which is easy to answer, but difficult to perfrom completely. In my opinion, happiness is when you are not alone. I am terrifed of feeling lonely. Moreover, happiness is when you can make all your dreams come true, without obstacles.

Fairy Godmother, please give me 3 wishes. That is the fastest way to make my dreams come true

...........

and

...

definitely, my third wish will be: "another 3 wishes, please!!!"